Bringing Home the Birkin (Older writing, before I left to go to Vancouver)

It's a time of a new year, as I sit at my favourite retreat in the entire world and look out the large window, sipping on a grande caramel macchiato and thinking this is exactly where I want to be. When I finally come back to reality, I realize that Im actually sitting in a chapters, looking out a dirty window at a town that I have lived in for the past 17 years and I think to myself, is this really where I want to be?

As I stare out the window, there is about a million things going on in that town but the one object I can not seem to take my eyes off is the no trespassing sign sitting in the middle of a frozen pond and it only wants to make me do the exact opposite, is it because its dangerous?...is it a risk?...or do I finally want to live my life without constant boundaries. I have never been on my own long enough to know the true meaning of'alone', I have been living a safe life with money, shelter and protection, therefore, I haven't left.

The most common word in my life is most likely the second most commonly used phrase in the world; good-bye. When I was sixteen, it started, when I was eighteen, it happened, and when I was twenty one, it changed the meaning of good-bye forever. Now, at the age of twenty three, it has once again been used...and I have had enough. So this time, I am the one saying good-bye, not to a person, but to a number of people and a town that has only ever been home to me; I am too comfortable here and I have let too many people go without a word being said except good-bye and their response..."you'll be okay".

On Tuesday, I will be leaving this town, will I come back?...that't not the question I want to answer right now. I have learned to let life be and if it is meant to be, continue to let it go in that direction, you only live once is what I've been told and sadly, I've seen, felt and experienced it. So I will live like Audrey; Hepburn that is and get out of this small town to live in a city where I feel represents my self...by myself. To marry rich? ofcourse not...to find love?...never...or to feel free?...no but to be free.

mj.